this is a compillation of stories by my brother (no they're not mine...) about his life as a waiter... he doesn't have an account here, but i asked if he would let me share this with all of you here in my journal (cause it's not mine and cause of the submission policy) for everybody to have a good laugh...

oh, while you're reading this, ignore the blantlant use of attacks from most of the games he plays...

(The scenarios you are about to read about are completely fictional and any resemblance is purely coincidental… unless of course a certain “Qu” says that it really happened…)

Customer scenario.
1. Customer comes into shop and starts choosing what he/she wants. After choosing, customer heads to cash register to pay.

• A good customer will count the total amount and give exact change
• A better customer who doesn’t have exact change will give slightly more but apologizes for any inconvenience caused.
• An even better customer will say keep the change.
• The best customer will hand a more than double of what is required and say keep the change.
How the customer can change from good to bad…
• Takes 2 items that cost RM1 written on the item itself each, bring it to the counter and ask “how much?”
• Takes selection finds that cash at hand is not enough and ask “can give discount or not?”
• Says “keep the change ya filthy animal”
• Gives more than required and says “keep the change… April’s fool!!!” (This particular customer gets an atomic wedgie…)

2. Customer comes into shop looking (window shopping). Potential customer then asks certain questions about items in shop.

• Good customer will say thank you for your time or something to the same effect if he or she is not buying anything.
• A better customer will say “alright. You’re quite a promoter. You’ve convinced me. I’ll buy.” Takes his/her selection pays and says “thank you”
• An even better customer will say “take me to your boss. I want to tell him what a good salesperson you are” (yeah right!)
How the customer can change from good to bad…
• Leaves the shop without so much as a thank you.
• Will take his/her selection, take it to the counter, leave it there, finds that there’s something more interesting somewhere else and leaves selection where it is.
• “Take me to your boss. I want to ask him why you are an incompetent idiot and have you replaced with a hot, leggy, blonde supermodel/ tall, dark and handsome hunk.” (This particular customer gets ‘Everybody’s/waitress’s Grudge’ed)

3. Eatery is filled to the maximum (or almost) and all the waiters are busy with everyone’s orders, giving them their orders in turn.

• Good customer will wait patiently for food to arrive.
• A better customer will decide that they’ll cancel their order if it has not been made yet and come back later.
• An even better customer will say, “Do you need any help?”
• An even better still customer will take out his/her apron, don the eatery’s uniform (if any) take an order form and take orders while still maintaining his/her secret identity as a former waiter/waitress.
How the customer can change from good to bad…
• Will ask every waiter/waitress that passes by whether his food will come anytime soon and that he’d been waiting for over 2 hours. (Two minutes can seem long when you’re hungry though…)
• Will start swearing at anything that moves…
• Will start his/her sentences with “When I was your age…”
• Will say “this place is slow on service… if it weren’t for the pretty waitresses (fondles passing waitresses behind). (REALLY BAD CUSTOMER) (This particular customer gets ‘Diamond Dusted’)

4. Three old Ah Sohs from Singapore walks into a particular shop in Malacca. They are shopping for ‘Kuih Bangkit’. They ask for a sample to try, each person taking a piece from a jar that contains a limited amount of the kuih…
Old lady #1: Eh, this kuih, not bad huh?
Old lady #2: Okay onlylah. My aunty can make better tasting ones. (Takes another piece)
Old lady #3: Really hah? (Takes another piece). How’s the taste?
Old lady #2: Just like this, but with an extra floury taste, less santan is used and size also smaller. (Takes yet another piece)
Old lady #1: are you sure? Really got such a good kuih bangkit ah? (Another piece)
Old lady #2: yes, and I’m sure that its cheaper than here. (Another…) (Turns to handsome, young, slim and slim cashier) how much for one jar?
Cashier: only RM 12, ma’am.
Old lady #2:humph. My aunty make is cheaper. (Another)
Old lady #3:how much she make? (Hands empty jar to cashier and takes an unopened jar and proceed to devour it.)
Old lady #2: cheap only… only S$12. And 1 virgin sacrifice. (Takes another)
Old lady #1: wah… so cheap one ah? Eh, I want to order, can?
Old lady #2: can… come, if we go now, before the full moon wanes, we can pay her until then.
Old lady #1 and #2: okay… lets go. (Dumps half devoured jar behind.)

Cost of kuih bangkit eaten for free; RM 5. Amount of sales made since 3 old ladies entered shop; Rm –5. Watch cashier turn big and green and mutilate cash register with effigies of old ladies on it; priceless…
There are some things money can buy. For stress, requirements of two packets of paracetamol at one go and nightmares, theres always Singapore ah Sohs…
(gomen, some parts I got carried away…) please note that not all Singaporeans are like that, and some of them are very nice. Its only when they find the price too expensive, cranky from a long bus trip or are tired of other Singaporeans…

5. Scene form eatery: customer walks in, pulls out chair and sits down…
Neutral customer: orders food, waits for food and eats food. When done, pays for food, while pushing chair back in.
• Good customer: good customer will order food, wait for food while enjoying some idle chatter with waiter/waitress, eats food, and pays for food while complimenting how delicious the food was.
• An even better customer will do the same as above while tipping waiter/waitress. (I love to dream, don’t I?)
• A better still customer will say “thank you” when he/she is done. (Remember, politeness counts, especially for someone who has a bad day serving many customers, not all of whom are as polite…)
How the customer can change from good to bad…
• Will order food, wait for it, and say that it wasn’t what he/she ordered, and ask to change to another one, when in truth, he/she DID order it…
• Will decide that he/she does NOT want to eat there after all, and goes out…
• An even worse customer will do same as above, but leaves garbage all over… (This particular customer gets whacked by a broom, only if he/she were still in the shop…)
• Worse still, the customer who hasn’t eaten yet will have the energy to pull chair from different tables, wait for food to come, eats and gets energy back and DOESN”T BOTHER PUSHING CHAIRS BACK IN…
• Will order food that cost RM 2 that is stated in bold, italic and underlined in the menu and still ask “how much?”
• Will start a ruse to get free food, like the infamous dead roach tech. (this particular customer gets hit with a Paladin tech: subdue)
6. Person walks in saying that he/she needs to ease bladder…
• A good person will change job from person to customer by buying things.
• A good person will change job to understanding person by turning of the lights when done.
• A good person will change job to polite person by saying “thank you”
• A good person will change job to good person by cleaning up mess made in toilet.
• A good person will change job to good and polite customer by doing all of the above. (This particular is about as rare as finding 2 Ultimate Weapons in the same Final Fantasy game…)
How the customer can change from good to bad…
• A bad person will change job from person to bad person by leaving shop without a thank you…
• A bad person will change job to ingrate by leaving toilet lights on when they were of due to a high electric bill.
• A bad person will change job to unhygienic by not cleaning up after they are done.
• A bad person will change job to VERY unhygienic by not flushing. (Sorry if you were eating curry…)
• filching three feet of toilet paper from toilet. (This particular customer gets Lion Heart, Omnislash, Triple Raid, Delta Attack, Boulder Dash, Crimson Star Road, Shinkuu Hadou Ken, and Darkness Strike. TAKE THAT YOU %$*&^%!!!)